I have the highest standards when it comes to schools — because I know what exists out there.
After years of working inside some of New Zealand’s best schools, I have developed a very clear sense of what to look for in a school. I have seen what exceptional school culture can look like. I know the difference strong leadership, consistent expectations, genuine pastoral care and a real sense of belonging can make.
And now, looking at schools through the eyes of a parent as well as an educator, I know what I want for my own children.
Academic results, facilities and opportunities matter. But they are only part of what I look for in a school.
Some of the things that tell me the most are much smaller. They are found in the everyday interactions, routines and expectations that show you what it actually feels like to be part of that school.
If you’re visiting a school, speaking with staff or trying to understand whether a school is the right fit for your child, these are the things I believe are worth looking for.
You notice them in the way students speak to teachers. In whether expectations are consistent across the school. In the way students wear their uniform. In whether a house is simply a colour used on athletics day, or something students genuinely identify with.
You notice them in how calm a school feels during lesson time.
You notice them in how many adults genuinely know a child.
And you notice whether the values displayed on a school website are actually visible in everyday school life.
As both a teacher and a parent, these are the environments I want to be part of.
They are also the environments in which I want my own children to grow up.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Belonging and Identity
A strong house system can be much more than dividing students into four colours for sports day.
In some schools, students genuinely identify with their house.
There may be physical house spaces where students gather. House clothing is worn with pride. Competitions, celebrations and traditions happen throughout the year, rather than once or twice.
Students may form relationships across different year levels through their house.
Parents may be invited into that community too.
And in schools with long histories, there can be something particularly powerful about family lineage — a parent or grandparent having attended the same school, and the next generation going on to belong to the same house. There is something special about that continuity.
None of this is essential to academic success.
But it can create something else that matters enormously: belonging.
A large school can suddenly feel much smaller when a child knows there is a particular community within it that is theirs.
For an international student who may be thousands of kilometres from home, that sense of belonging can be especially important.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Pride and Shared Standards
I notice uniforms.
Not because I expect teenagers to look perfect at every moment — teenagers naturally test boundaries.
That is part of growing up.
The question is what happens when they do.
Perhaps it is an earring that is not part of the uniform. A shirt worn incorrectly. Shoes that do not meet the school standard. Small things.
What stands out to me is when those expectations are consistently upheld across the school rather than depending on which teacher happens to notice.
A beautiful uniform in a photograph tells you very little.
A whole student body that is expected to wear that uniform well tells you much more.
It communicates that being part of the school comes with shared expectations.
It says: we take pride in how we represent our community.
And when staff consistently reinforce those expectations, students learn that standards are not optional simply because one teacher is more relaxed than another.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Everyday Courtesy and Conduct
Some of the smallest interactions tell me the most about a school.
Does a student acknowledge a teacher when they pass them around campus?
How do students answer the roll?
Is it a respectful “Yes” or “Present,” or is “yeah” or “yo” considered completely normal?
Do students rush straight into a classroom, or is there an established routine around entering?
Do they wait for the teacher before sitting down?
Do they hold a door open for the person behind them?
Individually, none of these behaviours makes or breaks a school.
But together they create a standard for how people treat one another.
And these are not simply “school rules.”
They are habits that continue beyond school.
Knowing how to greet someone, show courtesy, read an environment and adjust your behaviour accordingly are skills young people will carry into university, employment and adult life.
I do not believe young people need to be controlled for the sake of control.
But I do believe they benefit from adults who expect something of them.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Consistency Across the Whole School
Almost any experienced teacher can establish strong expectations within their own classroom.
Creating those expectations across an entire school is much harder.
It requires teachers, support staff, middle leaders and senior leaders to be on the same page.
If one teacher challenges a behaviour while another ignores it, students quickly work out where the boundaries really are.
The same is true of uniforms, manners, lateness, classroom expectations and how students interact with adults.
The schools that stand out to me are the ones where expectations do not disappear when a particular teacher walks away.
There is a collective understanding:
This is simply how we do things here.
That kind of culture is difficult to create.
It requires consistency from adults as much as it requires responsibility from students.
But when it exists, you can often feel it.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Layered Pastoral Care — and Being Genuinely Known
Most schools can tell you they provide pastoral care.
The question I am more interested in is:
How many adults genuinely know my child?
A dean may be responsible for an entire year level.
A tutor teacher may see a student regularly.
Both can be excellent.
But one or two people cannot always know everything happening in the lives of hundreds of young people.
I value schools where pastoral care has multiple layers.
That may include a tutor teacher, mentor, dean, house leader, housemaster, coach, boarding staff member or another trusted adult.
The strength is partly in the overlap.
If a child suddenly becomes quieter, their friendship group changes, their academic performance drops, or they simply do not seem like themselves, there should ideally be more than one person who might notice.
A child should not simply appear on someone’s pastoral care list.
They should be known.
For parents sending a child overseas, this question becomes even more important.
Who will notice them?
Who will check in?
Who will know whether they are thriving?
In an outstanding school, I believe multiple adults should be invested in the answer.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
A Calm and Purposeful Environment
This one can be difficult to describe until you experience it.
I am not talking about a school being silent.
Schools should have energy.
Young people should laugh, talk, move around and enjoy themselves.
What I notice is whether there is a sense of calm purpose during the school day.
If you walk through the school during lesson time, are large numbers of students wandering around with no obvious reason for being out of class?
Are corridors chaotic?
Or does the school feel settled?
You may still see students moving between places, heading to music lessons, working independently or completing other activities.
But there is a difference between purposeful movement and a feeling that nobody quite knows where students are supposed to be.
A calm environment often reflects something deeper.
Students understand expectations.
Teachers consistently reinforce them.
Learning time is treated as valuable.
Again, it is one of those things that can be difficult to find on a website.
But you can often feel it within minutes of being on a campus.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Values That Are Lived, Not Displayed
Almost every school has values.
Respect. Integrity. Courage. Service. Excellence. Compassion.
The words themselves are rarely the important part.
What matters is whether anybody actually uses them.
I notice schools where values become part of everyday language.
A teacher might challenge a student by asking whether their behaviour reflected the values of the school.
A student demonstrating kindness, service or courage might be publicly recognised for living one of those values.
Assemblies, house meetings, classroom conversations and celebrations reinforce what the school says it stands for.
Then the values stop being words on a website.
They become part of the culture.
I am not religious, but I can also appreciate the role that chapel plays within many faith-based schools.
A regular chapel service gives the school community a shared ritual and a recurring opportunity to reinforce what it believes matters.
It says: this is who we are, this is what we stand for, and this is what we ask of one another.
A secular school can achieve the same clarity in different ways.
The importance is not just religion.
It is whether the school knows what it stands for — and whether its students experience those values rather than simply reading them.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Who Gets the Opportunity to Belong?
There is one other thing I increasingly notice, particularly when thinking as a parent.
Who gets access to the opportunities a school provides?
Independent education comes with an obvious financial barrier.
And while scholarships take many forms and are awarded for many reasons, I admire schools that are willing to offer meaningful opportunities to talented or promising students whose families may otherwise be unable to access that education.
Sometimes that means a substantial scholarship.
Sometimes it means removing the financial barrier entirely.
To me, that says something about the institution too.
It recognises that access to opportunity should not always be determined by a family’s capacity to pay.
It can also create a richer school community — one that is not defined solely by families who happen to share similar financial circumstances.
As a parent, I want my children to encounter people with different experiences, perspectives and backgrounds.
And as an educator, I admire schools prepared to say:
We see something in this young person. We want them here.
I notice who gets the opportunity to belong.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
What to Look for in a School: The Bigger Question
None of these things should replace questions about academics.
Parents should absolutely understand a school’s results, qualifications, subject options, learning support, extracurricular opportunities, boarding environment and university pathways.
But those things only tell part of the story.
When I think about the school environments I personally want to teach in — and the schools I want my own children to experience — I keep coming back to something bigger.
A great school does not just educate a child.
It helps shape the young person they are becoming.
I want my children surrounded by adults who know them.
Adults who care about them.
Adults who celebrate them.
And adults who will also say, when necessary, “That is not the standard we expect from you.”
Not because teenagers should never make mistakes.
They will.
But because growing young people need environments that give them both belonging and boundaries.
So perhaps one of the most important questions a parent can ask when considering a school is not simply:
What opportunities will my child receive here?
It is:
Who might my child become after spending five or seven years in this environment?
That is a much harder question to answer from a prospectus.
But I think it is one of the most important.
Choosing the Right School for Your Child
Choosing a school is about more than comparing academic results, facilities and fees. It is about understanding the culture your child will become part of — and whether that environment is right for them.
I work directly with international families to help them understand and compare New Zealand schools, looking beyond what appears in a prospectus to consider the things that can make a real difference to a child’s experience.
If you are considering a New Zealand school for your child and would like independent, experienced guidance, get in touch with me at NZ School Advisory.
